Since the New Year has arrived, an interesting thing has happened to me.
Let me just preface that by saying that the months of November and December were months of high's and low's for me in terms of mood and outlook. Of course there were the Christmas and Thanksgiving holidays that I'm sure I enjoyed just as much as everyone else. But then there were the dark, dismal days of winter, with thick cloud cover, heavy and opressive air quality, and much shortened days. Those days put me into a major funk and I felt that I, like a falling boulder, was hurtling into an abyss into which I would crash and never come out of. I felt like I was suffocating under a blanket of fog. I blamed myself for not being productive, being un-motivated, having a lack of desire to do much of anything. It definitely sounds like depression, doesn't it? Who me? Nah.....Total denial. I even posted one day on Facebook - "Help! I'm succumbing to winter's icy grip."
But then came the week of the New Year and bam! Back in the saddle for me. There was a little bit of sun, a new outlook, I found out that my weight was 2 lbs. better than at this time last year! (Woo hoo! For me, that's amazing!) Anyway, with the New Year comes my new set of challenges to myself to see if I can do them. I'm pretty sure that I can do at least some of them. So why not? I think teh New Year is a great time to recommit and move forward. So with that...here is at least one thing I want to accomplish.
I picked a new background to remind me of my one desired, dear-to-my-heart committment for 2010. I WILL be playing the violin this year. It has been several years since I have played. I think the last time I played was in church for Easter Sunday in 2007. I have a knack of doing something and then not doing it for a really long time afterwards or maybe even never again.
I know it's been like that for me with crafts. I once was an avid sewer, making all of my own dresses and sewing costumes for my son for Halloween. My mentor was Sheri Lester, who was so, so talented! She would always answer my silly questions and just encourage me. And then I moved. I didn't move my whole household. Just myself. I left the sewing machine behind. I left it behind, along with the life I left behind. No more dresses made by me.
There was the knitting phase. I learned how to knit on circular knitting needles. I did it well enough that I made a complete sweater, sort of like this one pictured. I gave it to my sister and that was that. I've done that with crocheting, cross-stitching, needlepoint, basket-weaving (that was my major at BYU), and embroidery. But I'm OK with that, I'm of the belief that at least I have tried and completed something in all these areas and at some point, maybe even in another existence, I will have the opportunity to expand and create beautiful things that stem from the knowledge I gleaned at some point in my life. How's that for rationalization?
But the violin has got to be another matter. I had played for years and I will play it again. I love the sound, the expressive nature, I love the beauty of the instrument in every way. What I will do is find a teacher who will bring me back to the old habits that I need in order to play well. I'm sure that my playing has gone way down. I will have to get the callouses back onto my fingers again and I will have to get into that groove of practice everyday. I know that music is a jealous mistress. You can't just leave her for a long while and expect to return without serious consequences. So I will humbly return and take my lashes, pay the price and then feel the gratifying rewards of being able to play beautiful music.
So let the New Year come, ring out the old and ring in the new! I'm ready for 2010!