A 6 Foot 200 Pound Miracle

Sometimes things that you have hoped and prayed for, and finally accepted that thing as a 'no' answer, happen.  And they happen suddenly.  So suddenly, in fact, that you wonder whether or not you are dreaming, or, strangely, if you are even up to the blessing that you were asking for in the first place. 

Let it suffice to say that my son, Joseph, separated from me at 19 months of age, and who I have dreamed, longed for, cried and prayed would one day be reunited with me for longer than 5 weeks once a year, came from Virginia to live with us to finish out his school year.  He came this last Saturday and enrolled in school today.  I've known that he would be here for all of one week now.  It is no less a miracle than turning water into wine as far as I'm concerned.  

He has a lot of things he needs to get caught up on, a lot of things he doesn't know, some things that need to be unlearned.  But there are a lot of things he knows, too.  I know what a special boy he is. Yes, he just turned 14--rather late in the game for a mother's influence to be felt at it's most significant.  But, nonetheless, I think I'm up for it!  And I know he is too!  So here's to the school year!  Wish us luck!  I haven't been a full-time mom in quite awhile now!

First day of School

Unpacking and getting his room organized

Viktoriya, My Teacher, My Friend, Last Chapter

It has been a sad and difficult time for the friends and family of Viktoriya Shershnova.  Seeing her suffer in the way that she did the last 20 months after her horrific car crash was more tortuous for her loved ones than for her.  She went from being a vivacious, vibrant, loving mom and famous personality to a shadow of what she was, totally dependent upon the mercies of hopefully kind caretakers at the care facility at which she stayed. 

 I felt so fortunate to have been able to visit her on a regular basis during a portion of that time.  It was a privilege to be able to put her favorite lotion on her arms and legs and put chapstick on her parched lips.  She was able to pay attention and communicate a little bit.  She loved her face rubbed and her hands rubbed.  She would get a sweet peaceful little smile on her face when she was well enough to enjoy it. But she was in lots of discomfort and often communicated that as well by her looks of sadness and pain.

I remember the Christmas of 2009 when I scheduled my singing group, 'Friends And Neighbors', to go and perform their annual Christmas Performance at her care facility.  I had it put on the facility event calender and reserved the main hall and called ahead the day before we came to make sure that Viktoriya was able to be in attendance.  Despite all of that, the day we arrived, they weren't going to bring her out to see the performance because she wasn't ready and they said she didn't have a bed or chair that could accommodate her in the main area.  They were pretty much telling me that we could perform, but Viktoriya wouldn't be there.  
 Now this post isn't about me, but when they told me that Viktoriya wouldn't be coming out, the stubborn Helena welled up in me.  This is the stubborn me that has been through many a hardship and tragedy and has refused to back down and refused to let someone else tell me what I can or can't do, just because they think they can.  I  had 9 very busy women, my own Dad and son with me and here was this floor nurse telling me that we couldn't do what we came to do.  That wasn't happening.  I went throughout the whole facility, talking to every and any person that looked like they had any kind of influence. I also told the staff that we wouldn't be performing until Viktoriya came out and that we were prepared to wait.  And wait we did.  Finally Viktoriya was rolled out after about 30 minutes and we went on with the performance.  It was a special time for me because this was the Christmas present I was able to give her to show her how much I love her.  I will always appreciate the women of 'Friends and Neighbors' for driving the 50 mile round trip and patiently waiting until Viktoriya could listen to us on their busiest of Saturdays to do this for Viktoriya.  They truly showed that neighbors and friends are also the angels among us. 

 The last time I saw her, I felt like I wanted to have a picture taken with her.  It was amazing because she seemed really lucid and content that day.  When I got out the camera, she actually acted like she knew what I was doing and even smiled when the attendant said "1-2-3 smile"! This is my last special memory of Viktoriya. 

On Saturday, January 15th, I got a call from a bellydance friend who told me the sad news.  Viktoriya had passed away on Friday.  Apparently, she had been doing well and then one of the nurses checked on her and she had quit breathing.  They resuscitated her, but she couldn't breathe on her own. She finally quietly passed away.

 The funeral was very simple but well-attended.  Her daughter, Nikol, gave a simple but beautifully heartfelt eulogy about her mother.  Through her tears, she talked about how she had always admired her mom and hoped that someday she could be as beautiful as she was.  She spoke of how her mother had many trials, but always told her and her sister, Jessica, that she wouldn't trade it because she had her two girls.  She told about how every night she would come in and kiss her and tell her that she loved her.  She spoke of the special look she got in her eyes that made her know that she meant it. 
  Another person who spoke was Sarah Brimhall, one of Viktoriya's best friends and who was very close to her daughters, as well.  She had been one of her first students here in Utah.  Viktoriya had taken a special interest in Sarah, like she did so many, and had an open door to her any time she wanted.   Sarah had been with Viktoriya the day before her accident and spoke of how she was literally glowing with good health and happiness.  There is no doubt that she was an extremely beautiful woman on the outside.  But what is even more extraordinary is how beautiful she was on the inside and how much love she had for so many people.  
  I deem myself a fortunate person indeed to have known such a wonderful person as Viktoriya and call her my friend.  We had many heartfelt conversations and had a personal understanding of one another.  I know that her progression is continuing in Heaven and that her understanding is growing by leaps and bounds.  What she couldn't comprehend here on earth, will all be made clear in the world beyond.  Viktoriya's life helped me understand the limitless love our Father in Heaven has for each one of his sons and daughters and the mercy that he has extended us in our individual journeys of progression and knowledge in this life.  It is through his Son, Jesus Christ, that we are able to look with hope and joy toward the life after this one.
 So, Viktoriya, here is my final update on your life and I hope that all who knew you will find peace and know you found rest and joy in the loving arms of those who were waiting to greet you.  God be with you until we meet again!

At the funeral with another one of Viktoriya's dear friends

Some of the flowers at her funeral

A Good Week's Work!

It's been a nice week at work.  I work at a remedial high school in one of the 3 behavior units for students who also qualify for Individualized Education Plans (IEP's).  I work with Troy Hulse, who has been working for a long time with at-risk boys.  He is very good and has a lot of experience with this population.  This is the 2nd year he has actually been in a contained classroom, since before that time he worked out in the field, leading work crews for these same students.  He actually requested me from another classroom I had been working in, probably partially because I am a female and with these kids, it's imperative that they learn how to work respectfully with males and females, alike.  It's a real struggle for them to do that most of the time--just be respectful.  There are several obvious reasons why that is so and probably many more less clear cut explanations.  For one thing, it is society in general that implicitly condones the disrespect of women, objectifying them into not much more than sex symbols.  A lot of these kids have not much more than the prototype of society in general to mold their philosophies and behaviors.  Another is that sometimes their sadly lacking home environments have been such that disregarding women and mistreating them is the standard.  And variously, they are fettered with the chains of physiological limitations, where their erratic behavior is symptomatic of their condition. Any kind of positive response from them must be gained by medication, precision commands with strict reinforcement follow-up!

Every day I go to work, wondering which kid is going to try and take me down with sharp sarcasm or penchant for mean humor.  It's always someone and something different.  One day I think I have made tremendous headway with someone and the next day, it's a total reversal of attitude.  Most of the time, I am able to avoid any major confrontation because I'm pretty savvy myself, when it comes to street smarts.  And, since we are on the level system, there is always the threat of dropping a level if they go too far overboard with disrespect, threats or rude comments.  

The funny thing is that I really genuinely like the boys, who range from 15 to 18, in my unit.  They all are intelligent, personable and humorous!  They can be charming when they want to be. But there is a reason why they are in my unit.  Most likely, it is because they were behaviorally out-of-control in the regular high schools that they attended.  Most of them have several misdemeanors to their credit and some have even been in detention.  So while I quite like most of these boys, I can never trust them.  I'm always on my guard.  For instance, once they actually invited me to sit with them at their table at lunch.  If they actually were to do that, it would be a great sign of status for me.  But I didn't buy it.  I declined to sit with them.  I soon found out that what they were actually planning on doing was getting up and leaving, once I had sat down with them, leaving me at the table alone.  But I'm no dummy (totally debatable, however) and saw it coming and the fact that I didn't fall for it actually got me a little more respect!  

We see some of these boys mainstreamed back into regular classes, first within the high school itself and some even get to go back to the original high schools that they were expelled from.  Basically, when I really get to be rather fond of someone and impressed with their progress, that is the time they will be leaving my class. So, I don't get too much time with a kid who is well-behaved on a consistent basis!


So why has it been a nice week?  Well, it was nice because I am getting more comfortable teaching Social Skills and Daily Oral Language Skills to them, which are the two things I teach on a daily basis.  I see them actually responding and participating in spite of themselves!  When I first started out in this unit at the beginning of November, it was a disaster.  They were bound and determined to withhold any respect or even any acknowledgment of my presence as an authority figure.  I was so grateful to have a male professional in the classroom, who laid down the law when things got out of hand.  Nevertheless, he couldn't see everything that was going on. They have extremely covert ways of trying to undermine me and my efforts to be an integral part of the class workings.   


It's been nice because one of the more dominant members of the classroom actually sincerely invited me to join them in a game during free time.   That was definitely a status jump.  Now most of the kids have decided that I am worth bringing into a recreational game outside of formal class time!  Yes!  They have actually started asking me for different pieces of advice about their understanding and clarification of the world around them, whereas before they would only ask those things to Troy.  Now, they are trusting me enough to ask me!  Major victory!  And, when I do give my opinion about different things, they will actually weigh it in their minds and give it thoughtful consideration.  They may not agree with it all the time, but they do attend to it!  Small though these things may seem, in the realm of at-risk youth, it is huge.  They have grown up with many different obstacles and at the forefront is the ability to trust or the permission to respect adults in their lives.  For me, it's one thing for a young person who has had every opportunity and encouragement to render me some good faith.  But for someone who has not had such assistance, it is the best feeling ever to have them hesitantly at first, extend the hand of friendship and trust.  Maybe then, influence for good can be had~and that's what brings me great satisfaction!  I hope that you have a great week in whatever you are doing, because we all have immense capacity to make the world around us a little better because of what we do!  What do  you consider to be a good week at "work"?

Starting A Tradition

I thought I'd end the year by posting about the 2nd year that Laura has helped the boys make sugar cookies.  And that, by my definition is the kick-off of a tradition!  Oh, these sugar cookies aren't just any sugar cookies.  They were passed down from my grandma to my mother and who knows where my grandmother got the recipe!   Now Laura has the antique recipe box, cookie cutters, rolling pin and the flour sifter that belonged to grandma.  I think they should rightfully go to her.  She spent time making these sugar cookies and passing them out to people when she was the remaining one home, after the rest of us had left into the big world.  She really loved to make these and loved the tradition.  They brought her a bit of comfort and stability when everyone and everything around her was leaving.  And so she passes the tradition on to her two oh-so-willing little boys.  I think maybe the tradition will continue on! 

This is, after all, serious business!

With a little bit of jocundity mixed in!

And now Mom can relax b/c now someone else is helping to pass on the tradition! 

                                   Now if only it wasn't so dang messy.  Flour everywhere, I tell ya!

Speaking of Songs....

Here is the funniest song I've heard and seen in a long time!  I wanted to get this before embedding becomes restricted!  It came out earlier this week and already has close to 100,000 hits on YouTube!  If you haven't seen it, here it is!  Do you think it's true?  Know that some are upset about the way BYU Co-eds are portrayed here.  Would you be mad about this if you were a BYU Co-Ed? 

Songwriter Showcase

After a long work week it's fun to go out and do something.  We're lucky because in Provo, UT we've got two Universities and one of them is BYU.  There is always something going on and especially this time of year.  The students are seeing the end of the Fall Semester and the projects, papers and songs are due.  Songs?  Well, yes.  In the Media Music Division of the College of Fine Arts And Communications, songs are definitely due!
The bi-annual Songwriter Showcase features all original songs written by students in any current style which is monitored and charted by the music industry.  I was able to attend this event and styles there were aplenty.
I heard, "Open Heart Surgery", with lyrics that went, "She took my heart right out of my chest, took my heart out while it was still beating.  I told myself it would be alright.  She placed it back within my chest just for a time...it'll all be fine."  I actually loved it and I definitely heard a John Mayer influence! 

I kind of enjoyed "California Caught Us Kissing", especially the chorus!

I also heard one song that had an Alanis Morriset influence and another with a definite Cold Play feel to it!  These music students are really brilliant with their diverse styles and ability to put their outlooks of life into not only words, but music!  

These students naturally write about what matters to them and I heard a lot about unrequited love and broken hearts. "Dreams Ain't For The Brokenhearted" and "Fizzle" are no exceptions. But, there were also songs about Jesus Christ as in "Once Upon A Time" and songs about human frailties in a humorous way demonstrated so well in "Somebody Out There Might Want My Life"!  Most of the songs were done on guitar or piano, but there were a few songs done with alternative accompaniments like stringed instruments and one with a pre-recorded remix for accompaniment! We heard 20 songs all in all and I thoroughly loved hearing them.  I may even purchase the CD of the show!  It's only $10 and maybe someday it will be really valuable because one of these writers/performers will be famous!

It's In The Blood!

I always wanted to be a competitor and participator in women's sports.  So, knowing the basic rules of volleyball, one year I decided to try out for Volleyball at Amos Alonzo Stagg High School in Stockton, CA!  I don't even remember if it was JV or Varsity or maybe even both.  I just know that I didn't make it and I talked to the coach about it.  He told me that I was "too feminine" to make the team.  In other words, I sucked.  At Lodi Academy, where I was a Sophomore, another coach observed me one day and told me that I'd be a good runner, if I'd just try a little harder.  In other words, I was lazy.  I tried swimming and dance, both of which I'm glad I did, but never did anything huge with them either.  But the one advantage these attempts gave me was that I kept fairly active and was always in fairly good shape!  I'm glad that I just didn't give up.  All the while I was playing piano and violin, reading everything in sight and ebbing and flowing with my love and social life!  I also was very active in my church youth group.  So all in all, not a bad life!  
Now I have two boys, who, ever since they could walk, have been eager to be competitors and participate in the sports boys like to do.  My oldest son didn't stay in one high school long enough to be able to stay on the football team and see any kind of continuity.  I remember with fondness how he tried so hard during his first year in football .  He'd never been exposed to the sport much before that.  So in 8th grade he really tried hard and at the end of the season, he won the Most Improved Player award!  He played one more year after that for JV and then moved around a lot after that.  But I know he still wanted to be a participant.  One thing he found he was especially good at was fighting.  Sigh....
From what I understand, it was a major epiphany when the school tough guy (bully) kept taunting him and challenged him to fight.  This kid was really tall and towered over Eddie, who is built like a small truck.  So on a weekend, in a deserted field, somewhere in Missouri, Eddie and the bully met.  Word had spread, in the meantime.  The field was lined with about 50 spectators waiting to see the event.  Eddie calmly got out of the car his friend drove him in, walked up to the challenger and put him out, complete with a broken nose before anyone could even yell out.  It was over that quick and Eddie walked away with a new sense of what he could do.  Good or bad, Eddie started to look for ways to develop his "talent". 
He found that opportunity with a new sport called MMA.  His first fight was against one of the best fighters in the area and it was very humbling.  The other guy had him out in about two minutes.  I remember asking about his black eye and initially, he told me he and a guy had been horsing around and he got nailed.  No big deal.  The loss only made him more determined.  He hooked up with a team called 'Unbreakable' and began training in Spanish Fork, UT in a little gym.  This was done all behind my back because I let it be known that I don't like violent sports.  They are too dangerous.  The thought of him getting hurt is really scary for me.  And I don't understand what makes it such an exciting sport for many men.  
One day late in October, I noticed his face was a little beat up, like he'd been in a fight.  I now suspected that he was doing MMA and probably training and getting roughed up.  He told me then that he had just won $650 in Wyoming over the weekend fighting one of the best fighters in the state.  He was the "Fight of the Night"  and was the underdog.  He came out on top.  He said that he had never done anything more draining and tiring but that he loved it.  He said that if he didn't get anything for it, he'd still do it.  I don't know what to make of that.  I can relate in one sense because I like to blog and do it without any compensation whatsoever, although it's great to get paid every once in awhile!  
He invited me to one of his fights and I attended the Blood Black and Blue Event at The Man Expo this past Saturday night.  It was quite the eye-opener!  He won and walked away without too much damage. (I'm just glad he didn't end up like the loser in one of the other fights--his nose was so busted up that blood was spurting from it like a geyser and covered the floor.)  He was limping a little bit and the next day he thought he might have hurt his hand.  I hope that he enjoys it and then moves on to something else.  In the meantime, I think I'll give it my support when I can.  His next fight is in January at the McKay Events Center!  If he wins, he gets $1000!  Go Eddie!  I guess it's in the blood! 

Eddie With His Agent and Trainer

One of Eddie's team buddies

Getting checked before the fight

The Sunday Hike or Finding A Truth

It was beautiful weather this past Sunday and I decided to get out in it!  I started out on Sunday not knowing where I would end up.  My usual hiking partner, E., wasn't with me.  So I embarked "not knowing beforehand where I should go..." It was a cool, crisp day and the sky was a bright blue.  I knew that I wanted this day to be a part of my memory.  As I drove up Big Cottonwood Canyon, I saw some cars parked in front of a sign.  I decided to check it out!

It was a really cute picnic area, with lots of mossy rocks in ledges and the creek rapidly flowing in the background.  It was a great find for a barbeque with the family someday, but not much of a hike.  I kept moving.

Next, I came to a much bigger parking lot.  I parked my car and entered the Trailhead area. 

This is a beautifully paved road by the creek which I assume is Mill Creek.  It has several paths that branch off from the main trail.

I decided to take the trail that goes to Lake Blanche.  It was only 2.8 miles.  That was perfect.  I didn't have any water or hiking shoes, but that seemed like a do-able distance.  And the backdrop of Twin Peaks looked so pretty. I set off.

I walked and walked.  I met a few people coming down.  I kept asking,  "Did you get to the lake?"  They all said "No, we thought it was around 2 miles, but we never saw one.  We gave up and came back."  I kept walking.  I saw some beautiful stuff! Like this:

But no lake.  Did I take a wrong turn?  I was really getting thirsty too!  I ran into more people coming down who had talked to some other people who said the lake was still waaaaay up there.  I kept walking.  I was fixated on seeing this lake.  The scenery only got better.  It spurred me on!

And on....

 And on!

I really wish I had the internet on my phone b/c I could have punched in Google Earth and maybe have gotten some coordinates to where I was and how much further this darn lake was.  But I'm so old school!  Heck, I still have an MP3 player instead of an ipod. 

I started going up some extremely steep terrain and I started to feel my system kind of shutting down.  I just knew that it couldn't be far, though.  It was just before 5 pm.  I had been going since 3:30. I needed to see the lake!  More people came down and some said I was near.  I kept stopping more and more to get my breath.  I felt winded and weak.  Two ladies came by and I asked them how much further to the lake.  They said it was fairly close but it would take them about an hour to get back to the lake from where we were.  Well, they obviously weren't avid hikers, it's true, but an hour?  Plus they said they were the last ones to leave the area. No one else was up there.  OK, that was kind of scaring me.  I've heard the stories of the gung ho hikers going too far and ending up getting lost, stranded, hurt, or even worse.  I didn't want that to be me. Not today. I struggled on a little more and then I decided to give up. I turned back and made it down the hill in really quick time, leaving the ladies I talked to far behind.  It made me wonder how really close I actually must have been. So, while I didn't see the lake, I did see this:

And this:

So I'm not disappointed in my hike at all.  Maybe next time I'll be a little more prepared and know a little bit more about the trail I'm taking.

Isn't that the way it is with life?  We all basically start out on a course called our life's journey!  As we progress along the journey we run into hardships, obstacles and things that aren't really clear.  We'll all complete the journey somehow, but some will reach their desired destination and others won't.  Maybe it depends on just a few things like preparation, good direction, resources or strength.  I've decided that whatever has been my lot on my journey, the one thing I can be is grateful!  I can be grateful for the beautiful things I experience on my own journey in life!  Maybe it isn't exactly what I had expected, hoped for or planned.  But I can't deny that there have been and are many beautiful things that are in my life every single day!  Why should I regret or be sorry for what I might not have done or achieved?  There is too much abundance in my life for self-reproach!