The Family Pie

We are influenced by news that we hear and read about.  National and World events are happening at an ever-increasing rate of speed!  Often I count on my husband to update me on major happenings in the world.  I want to make sure I am getting the right story and the right take, though.  For me, the best way to understand an event is to recount my understanding of what happened.
So, how concerned are you about property or money settlement issues within your extended family?  I know it can be a sore spot.  When a parent or relative gives out holdings in an unfair way or in a way that people don't agree with, tensions within families can mount.  But is it worth killing your own family over?  C'mon, that is going waaaaay over the line in terms of my own understanding.  I say, just let them have the heirloom china and wish them good luck with it.  You can't take it with you anyway!

But that is exactly what happened over the weekend in Louisa, VA.  A man shot and killed his own son and nephew in an ongoing dispute over a piece of property, not to mention the 4 others that were wounded in the fray.  Then police shot and killed him after he fired on two deputies and released his pit bull on them. Apparently, this 1.5 acres was a real hot commodity among family members. Police were called on multiple occasions to settle property disputes amongst the clan.  But it never got violent until yesterday.  Well, sir, I hope you are happy.  You're dead, your son is dead, your nephew is dead and that ought to be a fun little party on the other side!  And who gets the 1.5 acres?  I guess whoever was left alive!  I hope the remaining relatives will be a little more wise.  Wow!  I used to live in VA.  I'd have to say you might be a redneck if... you bring out the .22 caliber when your limited vocabulary of "Thisheer is ma land, ain't no one else's!" fails to bring about a unanimous agreement!

May I suggest a few ways to insure a peaceful estate settlement when the time arrives?

1.  Only involve the individuals who are named in the will or trust.  The fewer outsiders and outside opinions, the better! Spouses and children who are not directly a part of the settlement don't need to be involved.

2.  Start the conversation!  Many times it is awkward to even mention that someone won't be around forever.  Many times people are afraid that they will sound greedy talking about estate affairs.  A possible good start to this conversation might be:  "Mom, Dad, I know you love us. You have taught us how to be thoughtful, caring people, by example. I am reasonably certain that you want us to care for you in your old age and for each other when you are gone. You could do a lot to keep the spirit of our family alive and healthy after you are gone by talking to us now. You could make it immensely easier on all of us by giving us some information about your wishes and plans. This is not about money. It is about relationships and trust and responsibility.”

3.  Establish trust between family members - Family history and child rearing methods of prior generations can foster distrust between siblings. Competition among siblings is common. Although it might not be the easiest time, it is a crucial time to build trust among family members.  Do so with open dialogue and transparency of intent.  Now is not the time to have hidden agendas.

4.  Learn as much as possible - Usually there is one primary executor but if the work is shared, not only is it easier on the executor, the beneficiaries will also have a better understanding of what is involved and have a greater stake in the best resolution for the whole family.

5.  Create Unity by:  Assuming the positive intent of others, not the negative, being openminded and knowing that everyone doesn't see things in exactly the same way, not allowing bullying, keeping things confidential between those involved, stay involved in the decision-making even though it may make you uncomfortable, have a sense of humor and stay connected in between official meetings.

6.  Have regularly appointed meetings to keep everyone abreast of developments and decisions.  It can be done in person, with conference calls or whatever way is best suited to your situation.

7.  Have fun in the process!  Make mundane things like moving the folks into the board and care home an adventure.  Have events where everyone can have fun interaction.  Great memories imprinted on the mind and in the heart make a solid foundation upon which to build your relationship bridge from Generation One to Generation Two.

Hopefully this will be a guide so that when you have to divide up the assets from the sale of the family home, you'll know exactly what to do!

Meteor Shower Debaucle

We decided at 12:00 am last night to head up the Canyon with our dog to one of the parks there and watch the Perseid Meteor Shower.  The Perseid Meteor Shower happens every year as a result of the super comet, Swift-Tuttle, and it's minuscule remains rocketing through the sky at incredible speeds.  It was at its height last night, averaging 40 - 50 sightings per hour.  Tonight will still be a good night to view it, although sightings will be down to 20 per hour (possibly higher in the northern hemisphere)!
Apparently, people are very much aware of this phenomenon and the parks were full of expectant observers.  We scouted out the park and found a wonderful spot to view the night sky.  We first put down a tarp, followed with two sleeping bags to lay on with two blankets on top and 4 pillows.  We were set!  It was so warm and comfy looking up at the night sky.  There must have been at least 150 people spread around the park, mostly younger, since midnight is a little hard for most folks to herd small children out to watch night spectacles like this! 

Every time a comet made a path across the night sky, there were exclamations, yells, screams, applause, you name it. This was a very enthusiastic crowd.  I wasn't above making a few appreciative exclamations myself!  I was prepared to spend several very enjoyable hours watching this, as our dog Evee curled up on one side and DH on the other.

All of a sudden people started yelling and screaming, only this time it wasn't because of any fireworks in the night sky.  The sprinklers had come on.  These sprinklers weren't just little sprayers either.  These were geysers, shooting water 100 feet in all directions.  We were right in the path of two of them.  I immediately shot up, grabbing my two pillows and flip flops.  Greg, on the other hand lay there, covering his head with the blankets.  I told him to "Get up!  Grab the stuff!"  A few seconds later he did.  But not before the water had soaked our spread pretty thoroughly.  His reasoning was that at least he was dry!

We took stock of the damage and being the survivors we are, decided to rearrange our pillows and blankets elsewhere where the sprinklers weren't on, as did the other observers in the area.  We found that if we flipped the tarp, blankets and pillows, they were still fairly dry.  So back down we went, thinking, "Wow!  The county might have known people would want to watch this...."

It was a beautiful 10 minutes....because that's all we had before the next set of sprinklers, in the path of which we were, went on full force. This time, I just stayed there keeping my head under the blankets until the full force of the water made a pass.  Now, everything was totally soaked and my night was done.  I was DONE.

So much for watching the beautiful display in the comfort of our makeshift observatory in the company of DH, maybe falling asleep in the warmth of his arms.  We had to cut bait and run! This is one where the story is better than the actual experience!  I believe Greg has his own version here!  (Hopefully our versions match!) Have a great day!
 

Hugs,

Helena

Family Day At Lagoon!

These are selfless parents!

Aunt Alicia carrying someone else's floatie! Also very selfless!

Joseph and Brandon

Show me where to go, Dad!

I know what you're up to!

Uncle Leland getting some sun

The Thomas Family

Darn it, I was there, but didn't come up with any photos of myself!?  Maybe that's because it's my blog and I don't have to put photos of me in swim attire unless I want to!  My Blog, my say! Mwaa ha ha ha ha!

Little Karissa

These are a few pictures of my friend's cute little girl, baby Karissa. She is about 3 months old and is the most alert, petite little thing ever. She had a respiratory issue when she was first born, but luckily, is doing just fine now. Isn't she sweet?  She has a huge cowlick on the back of her head.  It just sticks straight up, and no matter how much her mom gels, slicks, combs or sprays, it just pops right back up, like a little rooster.  It just makes her that much more endearing!

A Little Jaunt Up The Hill

This last Tuesday, Eddie and Joseph took a walk. They walked all the way to the top of Mt. Timpanogos!  A 19 mile round trip with a 1 mile elevation gain---OK, maybe that would qualify as a hike!  I just wanted to put up some of the pictures that they took and I think these will tell the tale!  I really want to make this trek.  But I think I will need a few things before I make the attempt.  I'd need at least one hiking pole, some better hiking shoes, a knee brace, an ankle support and an oxygen tank.  But other than that, I'm good to go!

Just look at the pristine beauty at this elevation.  It must have been breathtaking!  Here is Joseph at the year round glacier formation.  Many people will slide down this glacier and get hurt, like the one girl who had to be carried down in a stretcher with a broken ankle the same day as their hike.  Not many people were around there on Monday.  The boys passed several people on the way up, but none going down!  They pretty much had the whole place to themselves!

Mountain goats were nearby and available for photo ops!  They were just shedding their shaggy winter coats!  The Yettie and Joseph spent about an hour chasing the goats around and teasing them.  They are surely a little less approachable since the boys visited their craggy home.

At the top of the climb is a small weather station or shelter in case of foul weather or some hardy souls want/need to spend the night.  They made sure that they would be remembered long after their departure.

Finally they came winding back down the hill and we were there at the trailhead to meet them.  They actually ran out of water on the way down and must have consumed a gallon each of water at the drinking fountain. 

It amazes me how much energy they have.  They were none the worse for the wear afterwards.  They were business as usual the next day.  So why can't they bring their dishes upstairs after they eat?  It boggles the mind.

Last Day of June

My friend Elena and I went bike riding to the Falls today!  Elena just got her bike and this was the maiden voyage for it!  This was my first ride to the Falls this year.  It was really fun and we hope to do it some more this summer.  Elena is a great bike riding partner because she plugs her earphones in and is content to ride. That's how I like to do it too.  Just ride and enjoy the view and maybe even push myself so I can get a bonus cardio workout.  That's what we did (except when we stopped and took some pictures of each other)!

It's Not In The Getting But In The Keeping

I keep things way too long and while I may not technically be considered a 'hoarder', it's difficult for me to let go of brochures, pamphlets, receipts, dishes, clothing, old school assignments, furniture, bedding, or anything unless it is absolutely useless.  There could always be a use for this, I say to myself! And sometimes when I have let something go, I have found that there are times when I missed the thing I threw or gave away. I remember right away two things specifically that come to mind.  The handmade doll I got from Nova Scotia, that I handed over to a missionary companion of mine so I could have peace in the apartment. The gorgeous original art  from Irish Artist Ann Gorman depicting a young woman trying her best to look beyond her circumstances entitled, 'Dreamer', given to a friend going through a rough spot. I really valued those items and yet somehow felt it would be better to give them to someone else. Was it wise to give these away if I valued them and still miss them?  I think it was!

 Something has helped me cut down on my accumulations and need to collect!  It is the fact that I have had to leave everything behind more than once in my life.  Most people, when they move, take most of their possessions with them.  Not I!  I have had to walk away from  everything when I've moved! That happened once on a huge scale and then on a smaller scale, 5 other times.  I've left furniture, a piano, a car, all my clothing, appliances, heirlooms, hobbies and a myriad of other things. 

But the leaving behind of possessions has taught me a very important lesson--with most of the things I left behind, I've been able to do just fine without, either because I can replace them or just because they weren't essential to my survival and I am still alive without them.  As a matter of fact, because I have left certain things behind, it has freed me up to pursue new interests and hobbies
that I might not have otherwise!  After all there are only so many hours in the day that you can use and if the object of what you spent your time on is gone, you are free, in essence, to pursue other things to fill your time! For example, the sewing machine I left behind that I didn't replace allowed me to drop that pastime which filled a lot of my time and pursue new things (like blogging)!

Here are a couple of things I think are true regarding possessions!

"The wise man carries his possessions within him"  -Bias

"Treasure your relationships, not your possessions"  -Anthony J. D'Angelo

"The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. The trite subjects of human efforts, possessions, outward success, luxury have always seemed to me contemptible."  -Albert Einstein

Now, of course, I just finished confessing that I am sort of a pack rat and I do, after all, own a second blog that has everything to do with collecting "things"!  But I know that these things are really not essential most of the time!

If I were to look back and wonder what it is that I think was and is the most valuable and essential to me, it would have to be my kids.  I have the two greatest boys ever.  I feel lucky that I was able to spend quality time with them before I had to give them up.  Yes, I DO know a lot about leaving things behind and giving things up.  I lost my youngest son due to a fraudulent divorce decree before he turned two, never to raise him, and my oldest son at 10 the same way.  It was heartbreaking for me.  I spent thousands of dollars trying to correct it.  As criminal as this was, it is considered civil law and civil law is different than criminal law.  But what I DID luck out on is that I somehow knew that I needed to do a lot of the following and luckily, I think I did:

Just for this morning, I am
going to step over the laundry,
and pick you up and take you to the park to
play.

Just for this morning, I will
leave the dishes in the sink,
and let you teach me how to put that puzzle
of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will
unplug the telephone and
keep the computer off, and sit with you in the
backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will
not yell once, not even a
tiny grumble when
you scream and whine for the ice
cream truck, and I will buy you one if
he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't
worry about what you are
going to be when you grow up, or second guess
every decision I have made
where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let
you help me bake cookies, and I won't
stand over you trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take
us to McDonald's and buy us both a
Happy Meal so you can have both toys.

Just for this evening, I will hold
you in my arms and tell you a story
about how you were born and how
much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let
you splash in the tub and
not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let
you stay up late while we sit on the
porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will
snuggle beside you for hours,
and miss my favorite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run
my finger through your hair
as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God
has given me the greatest gift ever
given.

I will think about the mothers
And fathers who are searching
for their missing children,
the mothers and fathers who are
visiting their children's graves
instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and
fathers who are in hospital rooms watching
their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't
handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I
will hold you a little tighter, a
little longer. It is then, that I will
thank God for you, and ask
him for nothing, except one more day............. 

Was I perfect?  That's a laugh!  But what I do know is that my boys and I are great friends. They include me in a lot of what they do, more so than any other person.  That is a great compliment to me since they could very well exclude me in a lot of things.
So, while I AM quite a collector of stuff, I hope that I have learned what the most valuable things in life are and if I am ever called upon at a moment's notice to drop all save the most precious, I think I will be able to do it! 



disclaimer:  I did not write the above poem, and I don't know where it comes from.  It was stored on my computer from somewhere.  If you know where it comes from, please let me know so I can assign proper credit!

A Funeral To Attend

I thought I'd post this before I head out the door.  Do you like funerals?  I really don't.  But since my Dad has requested me to go, I go.  I really don't even know this person.  It's one of my Dad's cousins that he hasn't seen in a bizillion years and whom I've never even met.  It's for the son of one of my Grandma's sister's kids.  But when Dad makes a special request, I do it, because I don't know how many more events he will even be able to attend. He is getting very frail.  He knows it, but he has such courage in his ever-growing weakness.  My hat goes off to him in the face of his own inevitable mortality.  My mom has been gone for a year and a half and I know it has been so lonely for him. He had a pacemaker put in before she died because he wanted to be around to take care of her until she died, which he did.  So the pacemaker has kept his own heart going but he continues to get weaker and weaker.  His legs will give out on him unexpectedly for no reason.  And he gets really tired very easily.  Yet he continues to put in full days at work.  He owns condos that he rents out and he does all the maintenance himself.  When someone recently moved out, of course the place was trashed.  (Why do so many renters trash where they live?) So he has completely redone everything himself--replaced the horrible kitchen counters, fixed the broken dishwasher, put in a new microwave, painted the rooms, put in new linoleum, re-done the garage, etc. etc.  He is amazing!  I hope that I have the motivation he does when I get to be in my 80's. 

But today, I'll be at a funeral.  Hope you have a wonderful day!

Us (My sister, Laura, Dad and me before heading to the funeral